


break of the light

by makehomesofhumans



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, First Kiss, Fluff, Google Translate Spanish, Light Angst, M/M, Slow Burn, but could be slower, the soulmate aspect is that they get to see color when they meet them
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-23
Updated: 2017-05-14
Packaged: 2018-10-22 21:42:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,338
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10705719
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/makehomesofhumans/pseuds/makehomesofhumans
Summary: Simon's eyes sparked to life as he was being dangled over the edge of a building. He sighed, because that was just his luck.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I could not find the right lyric for this title to save my Gotdamn life, and I still don't think it's enough, but too bad. This story is unbeta'd and I will likely rewrite this chapter alone about six more times so be ready for that. I feel like I had more to say when I started writing this...  
> Oh right, so the canon is loosely messed with, I think you'll be able to recognize what all actually happens and what I elected to leave out/completely ignore. If it's choppy and makes no sense, let me know lol.

Simon had gone 18 years only seeing black and white. He once thought every soulmate story was a child's myth, a dream unattainable, because he had met Clary and the world was still dull in his eyes despite that fact. He wasn’t sure if that meant he couldn’t love her or if that meant the universe was just wrong, but he tried not to dwell on it since it didn’t seem to affect her quite the same way.

It was almost a shame that the first time he got to see anything worth looking at was when he was being swayed off the side of a building, actively getting kidnapped.

The sky broke out into dim yellows, and then Clary’s hair lit up bright red; he finally got to see what Jocelyn was making such a fuss about all those years. That was the other shame: he got his sight at night, instead of getting to see the sky or the sun, he only got the glowing lamps and the fire pit.

He wasn’t sure who caused his sudden clarity, but he had to assume it was one of the two vampires trying to use him for their political feuds.

That was another shame, if he wanted to start listing them.

He would have never guessed he’d be someone to fall for a vampire, somewhat because he didn’t know they existed, but despite that he assumed they were soulless monsters without the capacity to love (ignoring Twilight, of course). As much as he wanted to trust the universe, he couldn’t help but feel that it chose wrong for him.

He was getting ahead of himself, because he had no idea who even shared his sight. Simon couldn’t piece out the woman in heels holding his ankle, but a deep voice next to him bellowed out to Clary suddenly and his questions faded away.

“Is that the mundane’s name? I’m afraid Simon’s coming with us.”

Simon didn’t speak or scream. He wanted to see the people he could be bonded with, but the grass was finally green and his senses were being overloaded. The light, the voice; his chest started aching as his heart sped up.

The man kept talking, likely to explain why they took him of all people, but Simon wasn’t paying attention with all the blood he had rushing to his head. He only got the capacity to scream for Clary when they ran off with him, which didn’t make a difference because there was no way he was getting out of this girls hold no matter what he did.

When they showed up at some hotel he couldn’t hope to recognize he started babbling like he always did when he was nervous. He got caught on all the color surrounding him, finally taking a second to see something now that there was light.

Simon heard his kidnapper walk into the room right behind him; he decided to question him to fill the silence with more than his loudly beating heart, “So how does this end? Do I get out of here?”

Simon turned to the vampire with the velvet voice, wondering if he was the reason the world suddenly brightened around him, but then he remembered the woman in heels and decided he couldn’t call it yet. Was it rude to ask? He never really got that kind of soulmate lecture, he just got the ones telling him how amazing it was to actually see things as they were meant to be.

The vampire smiled and joked about his ‘pay grade’. His lips were bright pink, stark against his lifeless skin, and Simon was glad he was able to see it.

Simon started stumbling around the room to get his mind off of the color around him and maybe onto looking for a way out of this, 'this' being held captive at a hotel full of vampires that could kill him any time they wanted.

The man’s rumbling voice reached him through his anxious fog, “Sit. I hate fidgeting.”

Simon looked back up at him, catching his smirk, and thought that it wouldn’t be so bad if this guy was the reason his eyes sparked to life, but now wasn’t really the time to think about it. Simon wondered, though, if the vamp saw color, or if he had lived long enough to see it twice.

He wondered how that worked when the man cut into his mind again, stark and bright, “Lookin’ for a way out?”

Simon became unnerved, his situation flooding back to him again. He got caught on this soulmate dilemma for a few minutes longer than he should have. He instinctively turned to his left and pulled a decorated dagger from the array of antiques. If this guy _was_ his soulmate then Simon wasn’t making a great first impression by ruining his brand new jacket.

That thought struck him, for the third time; this guy could be his fucking _vampire soulmate_. What kind of love story was that.

His head got light for a second before he heard the familiar sound of heels hitting the wooden floor, and he thought _ah, there she is_.

“Leave us, Raphael.”

Finally, a face to match the shoes, and a name to match the man.

The woman advanced on him as Raphael walked out, and Simon thought he must have been right in the beginning. This woman _had_ to be his soulmate. She must have gotten her eyes the same time as he did; why else would she be all over him like that?

They didn’t really have a chance to talk about it; he was light-headed, drained of blood, and pushed into the sun before he had a chance to ask anyone anything.

///

After Simon was pushed away from the vampires, he felt like a chunk of his heart was missing. He assumed it was Camille he needed, as he hadn’t seen his soulmate in days now. Also, he felt like he was catching some sort of bat flu, but that could fuck with him later; right now he had something more important to sort out.

He showed up at the Hotel Dumort unannounced, but he figured someone must know he was there, unless every story he read about vampire senses was lying. But then again, he didn’t even know they had any factual basis in the first place.

He wandered into the main room, flashbacks of his time on the couch flooding back suddenly. Camille’s red dress, Raphael’s pink lips; Simon’s sore neck.

“Is anyone here?” He started trembling; that bat flu was catching up with him. When no one answered he called for Camille, and again he was out of luck.

He wrung his hands together to stop the quivering, “Raphael?”

The man turned the corner immediately after being called, as if he was just waiting for an invitation to walk into Simon’s space. Simon’s chest felt like it was healing itself at the sight of him, but his hands were still shaking.

“Raphael, I- I think I’m sick. Is Camille here?”

Raphael crossed his arms and leaned against the wall, obviously ignoring his question, “Why’d you come back?”

Simon squinted, “I came here looking for my soulmate. I don’t really know how this works but my chest hurts, and I need help.” Raphael tensed and looked away from him at the mention of a soulmate, but Simon elected to ignore it.

Raphael apparently refused to speak, so Simon broke the silence for him, “But since she’s not here, can you tell me where she is?”

Raphael’s eyes snapped back to him and the wave of confusion that passed over his face was odd to Simon, somehow it got even worse when a smile broke out across his plump lips, letting a chuckle escape.

Raphael pushed off the wall and started walking towards Simon, “You think Camille is your soulmate?”

Simon looked around like someone was playing a joke on him, “…Yeah? I think so? I started to see color when you two kidnapped me and she immediately moved in on me when I got here. I wanted to talk about it, of course, but I didn’t really have the time, and I figured she was the one on the rooftop with us, but-“

Raphael put his hand up, silencing Simon in his long-winded explanation.

“Camille already has her sight; she’s had it for centuries now.”

Simon felt like his head was spinning, so he asked another question instead of getting lost, “Was she the one on the roof with us?”

Raphael shook his head; Simon noticed he pointedly did not give a name or any other information about the one in heels.

Camille, though, walked into the room behind him before Simon had a chance to ask anything else, or consider another source of his sight.

“You came back to me, my caramel.” Her small smile was wicked and sharp. Something behind it turned Simon's stomach, a complete 180 from how his heart ached for her before.

She ordered Raphael to leave again, and when he did Simon felt the chasm in his chest break open in a brand new way. He really needed to get this nasty bat flu under control.

Just as he was about to make a comment about it to Camille, though, she lunged at him, and his vision went black again.

///

Raphael tried to convince himself he wasn’t shaking apart every time he was left alone. He knew exactly who his soulmate was. He knew it wasn’t any of those Shadowhunters and he knew it wasn’t that new redhead, either.

It was Simon. He could feel it when the idiot walked into the room. He wanted to laugh at the universe for thinking they were a good match for each other. He wanted to scream because he didn’t deserve it, and Simon didn’t deserve to have him, of all people. Raphael knew it was better to keep his mouth shut about it all, especially for Simon's sake, because then he could forget about it and move on. He didn’t need to get his hopes up.

Raphael’s resolve was weakening the more he carried his dead soulmate in his arms. He didn’t know if this was his choice to make, but seeing as no one even knew they were soulmates he assumed it wasn’t.

Raphael delivered him to the redhead, Clary, instead of listening to the pulsing ache in his chest telling him to take Simon home.

He didn’t know if Clary would save him, but that was out of his hands. Raphael wasn’t in a position to get attached, and Simon didn’t deserve Raphael making such an important decision for him when he didn’t even know him.

Raphael squeezed his fingers where they dug into Simon’s thighs, forcing himself to give up on whatever fantasy he expected to follow with his colorful new sight. Simon wasn’t going to change his life, and Raphael wasn’t allowed to save his.

///

Simon’s world was inverted, and he had three people to rely on.

Clary, who selfishly changed him because she didn’t want to lose him. Clary, the girl who loved him like family and had suffered enough.

Luke, his one and only father figure, before and after his change.

Raphael, his new leader. And, if Simon wanted to push that envelope a little bit: Raphael, his new friend.

Simon was living in the Hotel Dumort now, trying to control his hunger and his new powers. If he had to admit it to himself, he wasn’t doing that great of a job at either task. He could practically hear Raphael’s ‘ _Dios, fledgling, you’ve got two left feet_ ’.

Simon got caught up in his new life, and his colorful vision got pushed to the sidelines as he grew and changed in his brand new world.

 

Simon was relaxing on his bed with an old copy of ‘The Lord of the Rings’ in hand when Raphael knocked on his door.

He sat up and closed the book in his lap, “It’s open.”

Raphael pushed the door open to lean against the frame. Simon’s eyes got caught on his dark purple jacket and in the back of his mind he wondered when he was going to be allowed to dip into that vampire fortune for himself.

Raphael ignored the staring, and gave him his best ‘disappointed’ look, “You haven’t fed yet today.”

Bile climbed up Simon’s throat at the thought. He wasn’t blindly hungry anymore, like he was when he was turned, so now he was just trying to get through the ‘disgusted by having to swallow blood’ phase.

Simon shook his head, deciding to change the subject, “I know you’re not in charge of me or anything, technically, but can I go to my mom’s for dinner? She’s worried about me.”

Simon knew it was a stretch to even consider it, since last time he was at his old house he almost killed his mother just for a snack, but he hoped he’d made enough progress for Raphael to see he was safe, and finally sane.

Raphael made sure to find Simon's eyes, “Do you trust yourself?”

Simon stood up with anticipation surging through him, “Yes, Yeah! Totally. I’m not even hungry.”

Raphael looked at him like he was an idiot, which he was used to, “ _Ese es el problema_ , baby. If you’re going to go you need to feed first. And even then I’m not sure it’s a good idea.”

Simon was scrambling to get that small sliver of possibility back, anything to rebuild his relationship with his mom, “Okay, I’ll eat, no problem. And I can bring someone with me, if you want, maybe Clary? To make sure I don’t do anything stupid?”

Raphael smirked, “Don’t think she could stop you even if she wanted to.”

Simon wanted to take that as a compliment but the context made it difficult to, especially since his strength wasn’t because he was suddenly working out or anything, it was just his fucked up blood or whatever.

But, if it couldn’t be Clary, “You could come with me…?”

Simon looked at Raphael with the biggest puppy dog eyes he could muster, hoping it would make Raphael at least consider it. He wasn’t sure how he was going to explain bringing some stranger to family dinner, but they’d figure that out later.

Raphael was looking at him in a way Simon didn’t understand, “You want me to come?”

Simon’s chest fluttered a bit, and in the back of his mind he remembered the bat flu his head made up weeks ago, but he pushed past it, “Yeah, why not?”

Raphael shrugged like something was weighing his shoulders down, as if this invitation to dinner suddenly morphed into something else, something heavy-

Simon moved closer, and Raphael tensed up for no reason, “You would stop me if I even came close to doing something stupid, so it should be you to come with me… If I can go.”

The older vampire nodded stiffly and started to turn out of Simon’s room, “You can go- we’ll go, as long as you eat first.”

Simon’s sunshine smile beamed as he followed Raphael into the kitchen.

 

They were standing in front of Simon’s old front door and Simon could feel the pain and worry his mom had had for weeks; he’d missed his old life. But, when he turned to look at the man next to him and reality flooded back, his nerves settled, because he had a new life now.

Raphael gave him a questioning look as his finger squished against the doorbell, but then Simon’s eyes opened wide as he remembered, “Shit! We didn’t make a-“

The door swung open to a hysterically crying and smiling woman, “Simon!”

 _We didn’t make an alibi_. Simon huffed. _Too late now_.

Simon’s teeth pushed out in his biggest smile in a while as his mother engulfed him in a salty, tear-streaked hug. Raphael was uneasily eyeing them, as if what they were doing was uncommon to any and all family members. Simon just ignored him in order to hug the mother he hadn’t seen in weeks now.

He could sense her pulse, could hear it in his ears, and his instincts started vibrating to life. His eyes snapped open and Raphael was right there, staring him and his hunger down. He was abruptly pulled back to reality as Raphael nodded at him, his mother’s racking breaths soaking his sweater. Her pulse faded into silence.

When they finally pulled apart, Elaine noticed the man standing next to Simon as she wiped at her eyes, “Oh, I’m so sorry for my manners, pleased to meet you…um, I'm sorry again, who are you?”

Simon winced, because they never really figured that part out. Raphael, however, pulled out his most charming, toothy grin and offered his hand, “Raphael, Simon’s band manager.”

Simon shouldn’t be surprised by the utter beauty that was Raphael smiling and pulling the best lie possible out of thin air on cue, but Simon suddenly wished he could see his face like that more often.

Elaine just shook his hand and blushed, as if Raphael put that gorgeous smile on because he was into her. Simon wanted to gag. His mother got ahold of herself quickly enough, though, and turned back to Simon, “ I can’t believe you’ve kept all this from me. A band manager? Since when do you need one of those?”

Simon shrugged, and Raphael saved his ass once again (how many times, total, was that now? he was going to be in debt for the rest of his undead life), “They’re a pretty big deal, now that I made them worth something.”

Simon pulled back and acted insulted, even though everything Raphael was saying was just part of a big fucking lie, “Hey! We were doing just fine on our own! You’re just a glorified accountant, Raph.”

Raphael raised his eyebrows in surprise as he smirked at him and Simon’s chest did that stupid stuttering thing again. Elaine’s laugh pulled him back to Earth a little.

“Well come in, come in, dinner is just about ready.”

Simon was still looking at Raphael as the older vampire smiled at his mother and followed her into the house. Simon fell inline behind them, ignoring whatever the hell was going on with him and his glitching heart.

 

Elaine was loading their plates with everything she had in the kitchen when Simon tried to stop her, mainly for Raphael’s sake, “It’s okay mom, we ate earlier, we don’t need the whole fridge.”

Raphael chuckled behind him and it made him smile. Elaine grinned at the both of them in a weird way before giving up on feeding them a feast.

The three of them sat themselves at the table as Simon suddenly realized something, “Hey ma, where’s Becca?”

Elaine put down the glass she was drinking from, “Oh, yes, your sister wanted me to tell you hi and that she loves you; she’s on a small vacation with Hailey’s family, you know the Robinsons?”

Simon nodded, remembering Rebecca’s childhood best friend; he hoped he’d get to see his sister another time soon. He didn’t know what it’d take to get him out here again, but he wanted to make sure he did before time moved on without him and everyone started to notice.

Elaine was probing them both with questions, wondering about their band life and asking Raphael about himself a little more personally. Simon hoped everything the older vampire was saying was actually his own life and not just more lies to add to the illusion, but really he had no way to know.

“What got you interested in band managing, Raphael?” Elaine asked around a mouthful of mashed potatoes. Simon loved her.

Raphael moved his food around on his plate, Simon idly wondered where half of it went because even he didn’t notice it go missing, “Oh, I play piano. I’ve always loved music, just didn’t really want to play it for others.”

Simon was struck straight through, imagining Raphael’s fingers gliding over a set of glistening keys as the lights dimmed around him. Simon was staring again. Raphael made eye contact with him and gave him another questioning look; Simon averted his eyes to his plate.

Elaine ignored whatever _that_ was and kindly responded, “That sounds lovely. Always wanted to learn to play the piano myself, never quite got the knack for it, though.”

Simon was trying to pull himself away from the topic at hand, trying to stop thinking about Raphael playing _piano_ , so he looked around the house for something to talk about.

His eyes settled on the living room, “Mom, did you repaint in here? I feel like these walls used to be darker… I like the blue, though.”

His mother froze mid-bite to look up at him, silence building around them, “You can see the color of the walls?”

Simon raised his eyebrows at her, confused, “Yes?”

Her fork clattered to the plate as she covered her mouth and took her hands away again, “What?! Who?”

Simon shook his head, was he having a stroke? “Who, what? What are you asking me?”

His mother’s mouth opened and closed, stuttering, “Simon, I’m asking who your soulmate is! Since when can you see color?”

Simon’s eyes widened because holy _fuck_ how the hell did he forget that huge, altering part of his life. How could he forget that he needed to find his fucking vampire soulmate?

Since Simon didn’t answer her question, Elaine took it upon herself to keep the conversation moving, “Oh… is that was this is?” she asked, slowly dragging her eyes from Simon to Raphael and back.

Simon’s ribs were shaking in his chest; it felt like it was his heart but it must have been that chasm opening again. He didn’t know what to say, or how to tell his mother he'd forgotten about the bloodsucker he was supposed to fall for.

Once again, Raphael was there to hold him steady, “Oh, no, ma’am, that’s not what this is.”

Simon was looking at him like he'd said something wrong, but Raphael thought they were supposed to be lying.

The room was settling and quiet as Simon had a panic attack for no damn reason. His hands were shaking, ever so slightly, and he wanted Raphael to calm him. He wanted to put his rattling palm in Raphael’s strong hold and let him handle it, everything.

What was wrong with him? Why was he having a melt down at his mother’s kitchen table because he remembered his lost soulmate? Well, not lost; there were two total options and one of them was sitting next to him fake eating carrots in his old mundane house, with his unsuspecting mother.

Elaine spoke up suddenly, “Oh, okay, so then who is it, Simon?” She asked him with a bright smile, as if he was supposed to have good news.

Simon got his body working again and shrugged like nothing was wrong with him. Elaine’s face fell as confusion took over, “You don’t know?”

Simon shook his head, “Not really.”

Raphael discreetly started moving food around his plate again.

Elaine wanted to ask how, why not, but Simon knew she felt bad enough as it was for bringing it up when he was clearly rattled by it. Instead she took another drink, “Well, I hope you find them.” Her smile was a sad attempt at encouragement, but Simon appreciated it anyway.

Simon tried to pass off a tight-lipped smile in return, “Me too.” His mind wandered back to Raphael scraping at his peas when he said it.


	2. Chapter 2

Simon was suffocating, despite not needing to breathe. His throat was being constricted by the ghost of a hand pinning him to his bed. In his fever dream he saw Camille bent over him, holding him to his pillows, begging him to let her out.

He couldn’t pull himself out of his nightmare, and distantly he heard himself screaming, willing his throat to start working. He was trying to convince Camille he didn’t know where she was, but she just kept gripping and pleading.

In his haze he felt another, more grounding hand push on his chest, holding him to the bed in a different way. Raphael’s voice cut through his mind, pulling him from Camille’s hold.

“ _Despierta, vuelve a mi.”_

Simon followed orders; his body yanked forward, and his chest heaved as he made himself breathe again. Raphael didn’t comment on it.

Raphael’s hand was still on his chest, following it as it swelled and caved in tandem with his lungs, and just as Simon realized it Raphael must have too because he immediately removed it. Simon wanted to chase after it; he felt his chest hollow at the loss, but he ignored that.

Raphael didn’t ask what his nightmare was about, but Simon answered the silent question anyway, “It was Camille, she was telling me to let her out.”

Raphael’s eyes went dark as he looked down, “She’s abusing her sire bond.”

Simon’s leg was pressing against Raphael’s thigh where he was sat on the side on Simon’s bed. It would have been easy to move closer, pull Raphael into him and into his bed. Simon rubbed his face, trying to focus himself.

Raphael kept moving away just as Simon wished he would stay; he pushed himself up off Simon’s bed and started to move towards the door, “We’ll send her to Idris. Get her locked up for as long as possible.”

Simon nodded, wondering if he was saying that so he wouldn’t have to say they might kill Camille immediately upon arrival for how long she’d been breaking laws. Simon was fine with it, he had no attachment to her; their sire bond was just a phantom pull now.

Raphael turned back to him, “I’ll set up a mission, have some of us investigate her dens, try to get everything we can on her.”

Simon nodded, running his fingers through his unruly hair. He wasn’t sure if he’d be allowed on the mission but he wanted to go anyway, just to see for himself.

He asked, because Raphael wouldn’t say it, “Could I go?”

Raphael winced and lifted his shoulders, “You’re not trained enough, baby.”

Simon’s dead heart thudded behind his ribs, despite himself, “I know, but you’ll be there, right?”

He may have been pushing it a bit, asking Raphael to protect him just so he could go on some mission he’d get the chance to do again later on. Raphael smirked at him, apparently thinking the same thing.

“Yeah, I’ll be there.”

He didn’t answer Simon’s question, and Simon didn’t want to push him more, so when Raphael turned to leave again with a quiet ‘get some sleep’, Simon listened.

 

The mission was arranged by the next day. There were only a handful of vamps going along, mainly upper class fighters, and then Simon.

He tried to keep his smiling to a minimum, since they were getting ready to attack a mass of subjugates being bled to death in nasty, broken buildings, but he was just excited to be going on his first mission.

Raphael addressed them with Lily to his right, “We’ll try to free a few dens, but finding one should be enough to send Camille to Idris for good. Everyone else be on guard. Serena, you’ll be in charge until we return.”

All those going made their way towards the door; Raphael grabbed Simon’s upper arm as he started to move with them, “Be careful.”

Simon looked at him with big eyes and nodded, “You too.”

Raphael smiled and shook his head, as if Simon didn’t need to say it, but Simon thought he should anyway.

 

The stars were bright above Simon’s head as he trailed the clan members swiftly leading towards East New York.

Simon was following Raphael’s shadow until the lamppost next to their first building blended everyone’s together. Simon brought his eyes up from the ground to look at the rotting bricks shaking in the walls of a tall, wobbling grocery store; he wondered if it would act like Jenga when he touched it, but he wasn’t about to risk the moldy walls and find out.

Raphael’s movement pulled him out of his thoughts as their leader towed the group through the front door. Simon’s perked ears could hear the revolting hissing and groaning before they even walked in.

Simon’s nerves were alight as the door creaked open to dim lighting and scattered furniture. There were huddled groups of shaking bodies spread over the interior; their heads started snapping up to look at them immediately as they entered.

Simon’s instinct to protect his clan overpowered the smaller, louder one insisting he cower behind something or run. His hands were surprisingly steady as the feeding vampires started to hiss in their direction. Simon couldn’t help but notice the limp bodies sprawled underneath them, or the strong smell of blood flooding his head.

His fangs dropped down before he got the chance to control them, but he noticed he didn’t have a slight interest in feeding off these people.

He didn’t know if that was his upstanding morals or because Raphael fed him like twenty bags before they left but he was glad for it either way. He really didn’t want to deal with being hungry while trying to fight off frenzied vampires.

Raphael broke Simon’s small inner monologue as he nicely, politely, demanded the vampires leave their den.

They all immediately became defensive and one woman spoke up, “You’re not our leader, Raphael.”

Raphael scoffed, “ _Your_ leader is locked up in _my_ basement.”

Simon noticed that chipped at their resolve, but it also flared up their anger even more. The woman lunged at Raphael, launching herself at him with her claws out. Simon barely saw any of it happen before Raphael was holding her out in front of him by her throat.

When the woman started shrieking, the other feeders watching idly by began charging on them. Every clan member near Simon moved in front of him immediately, and he suddenly felt like deadweight.

Raphael tossed the woman behind him and let the clan chase her out; Simon was watching everything from the sidelines. He watched as Raphael moved through the building, tossing vamp after vamp off their subjugates and moving onto the next.

Simon felt like that guy standing on the fringe of the fight rolling his eyes as the big star did all the work, but really that was his and Raphael’s entire dynamic. The clan was taking care of everyone Raphael pushed to the side of his vision as he worked his way through any vamp in sight.

Simon noticed he was getting sloppy, assuming they had enough members to finish his business for him; Simon decided to get involved when the clan started to become overwhelmed by that responsibility. He mirrored the actions of others, threatening and baring his fangs at those resisting to be taken down.

Raphael noticed Simon move into the fight and caught his eye for a second too long, assuming Simon was jumping in for the wrong reason. Right as Raphael pulled himself out of his rampage, he got struck to the floor.

“Raphael!”

Simon’s speed took over as he raced to rip the vampire off Raphael. By the time he got there, there was already blood flowing out of Raphael’s neck and under his shirt. The vamp was tossed to the side and the clan took care of her behind Simon’s back.

“Raph, you alright?” Simon asked as his fingers skidded against Raphael’s neck and collar. Raphael winced but nodded, beginning to sit up as he gripped Simon’s arm. Simon slipped his hand behind Raphael to better support him; if his fingers dug in tight at the base of the man’s back he would say it was for security.

Raphael suddenly went stiff in his arms as his eyes widened, staring over Simon’s shoulder like a statue.

“Raph?”

Before Simon could turn his head, Raphael was past him and pummeling the lone feeder slipping up behind them into the ground. Simon swung around quickly, just in time to see Raphael settle onto the vamps chest and knock him out.

Simon wanted to say his fangs slipped down out of his pure lack of self-discipline, but really he knew it was something else entirely. Simon shook his head and slurped his fangs back up as he went to pull Raphael off the feeder.

Raphael looked up to him with tired eyes; his ripped up neck was already healing, but he’d been through a lot of turmoil already. Simon helped him to his feet and led him to the door. They passed concerned clan members on the way, but they each finished their business before following.

Simon knew Raphael would be just fine, but having his arm hooked around the man’s middle as he walked by his side was more for his own ease than anything. Raphael had his arm slung low on Simon's back as his head rested in the dip of Simon's neck. Raphael wasn’t pushing him away, and continued to let himself be led home until they reached Raphael’s room.

Raphael turned to him in front of his door, “Did good out there.”

Simon shook his head and smirked, “I barely did anything and I still managed to get you hurt. I think that’s just my lot in life; better get rid of me before I do permanent damage.”

Raphael waved his hand and turned into his room, “Couldn’t do that even if I wanted to, baby.”

The door closed to Simon’s crinkled eyes and warm smile.

///

Simon was seeing Raphael as if it was the first time he’d opened his eyes. His colored sight didn’t even spur ideas of the woman in heels anymore. That didn’t surprise him, because if he had paid half as much attention to himself as he did to Raphael maybe he would have realized it sooner.

But, he couldn’t go back now, and Simon needed to focus. Focus on what he was feeling and whether or not Raphael had his sight. But even if he didn’t, Simon wondered if they could somehow work it out together anyway.

 

Simon was training alone, trying to let his frustration out in a productive manner, as Raphael would encourage him to.

His dark hair was dripping and falling into his eyes; his arms were sore and his knees were about to give out. His frustration was gone and all that was left was aching. He swiped at his forehead and decided to shower.

He sped through the motions so that his thoughts wouldn’t wander and neither would his fingers, because he didn’t have the capacity to entertain any of those issues at the moment.

Simon pushed open his bathroom door and rubbed at his scalp with his towel. Right as he was beginning to get dressed, a knock sounded off his walls and he knew it was Raphael. _So much for not thinking about him_.

Simon quickly wrapped the towel around his waist as he let Raphael know his door was unlocked, as it always was.

Raphael pushed the door open and immediately froze in the doorway. Simon saw multiple reactions pass over his face and Simon felt something deep and hungry pulse through him.

Then, Raphael quickly became disinterested, instead catching Simon’s eyes, “That redhead is here to see you.”

Simon was pulled from his thoughts as he focused on his best friend walking back into his universe, “Oh… oh! Okay, I’ll be right down.”

Raphael nodded and closed the door behind himself as Simon sped around his room, throwing on any clothes he found. He was downstairs within thirty seconds, happily opening the front door to Clary.

She beamed at him, “Simon!” and jumped into his arms.

Simon felt like he was hugging the life out of her, shoving his face into her neck and getting lost in her beautiful red hair.

_That redhead is here to see you._

Simon felt his chest cave in.

Clary noticed how he stilled and lost his strength, “…Simon?”

Simon was far too gone; he looked at her like his life was falling into place around him. Every touch and look and scathing remark jumped to the forefront of his memory; the rooftop and the dinner with his mom was finally starting to make sense. Every moment with Raphael, and _now_ was when it all fell into place; he wanted to shake Raphael for not telling him, but he also wanted to understand why.

He shook his head to clear his thoughts, “Sorry, Clary, I know this won’t make sense but, can I come see you later?”

Clary was confused, “You want me to leave? Kinda just got here…”

Simon shook his head harder, trying to will her to understand, “I know, I know I’m sorry, I just- I have something I need to do. I’ll come by and see you later on, I _promise_.”

Clary was looking at him like he had two heads, but she nodded anyway, “Yeah, of course, hope everything’s okay?”

Simon’s smile was genuine, “Everything is _fantastic_.”

Clary obviously gave up on trying to decode his issues, “Okay, let me know when you’re going to stop by...”

Simon released her arms and nodded, promising he would. Clary walked out like she was lost in the dark but Simon had other things to worry about.

His walk to Raphael’s office felt like he was stuck in a never-ending dream. He felt like he was never going to reach his door, never going to reach Raphael, and never going to sludge through his drowning thoughts.

When he did, finally, he realized he hadn’t even thought of what he was going to say on his way there. At this point it was a little late, because his fist knocked on Raphael’s door for him.

Raphael called for him to come in, and Simon did so silently, gently closing the door behind him. Simon rested the back of his head against the wood, staring at Raphael, who was standing in front of his desk looking over some notes.

Raphael turned to the fledgling when he didn’t speak, “Everything okay, baby?”

That nickname made Simon’s chest ache for the first time, like it was somehow meaningful now, somehow new.

Simon closed his eyes, letting everything sink in for the second time.

He pushed off the wall and started to move towards Raphael, “You can see color.”

Raphael’s body tensed immediately, he paralleled Simon’s movements, moving backwards as he advanced. Eventually Raphael met his desk and his hands held him there, knuckles turning white.

Simon kept talking as everything finally started making sense, “You were on the roof with me when I got my sight. This whole time, it was _you_.”

Simon’s hands reached for Raphael’s neck as he moved in to kiss him, but as he did so Raphael turned his head to the side, chilling Simon’s dead, rotting heart.

Simon hesitated in front of him, his hands stuck hovering just above Raphael’s smooth skin as everything he built up crumbled down around his feet.

He watched Raphael’s jaw clench as Simon stood there, suspended over him. Simon snapped his hands back and started to regret every step he’d taken here.

“Oh… _shit_.” Simon whispered and raked his fingers through his hair.

As Simon started to move away, Raphael reached out and grabbed Simon by the lapel of his jacket, holding him in place.

Raphael tugged him in, gently, “Hey, ‘s not like that.”

Simon wasn’t sure what was going on, he wanted Raphael to stop being vague and start giving him answers. But he wasn’t about to get upset when Raphael was pulling him back again.

Simon pushed in close, sensing he had the permission to now, “What’s it like then?”

Raphael sighed and moved his hand from his jacket to his stomach, smoothing his palm over Simon’s waist until his fingers dug into his hip.

Raphael looked up at him with those dark brown eyes, “You don’t want me, Simon.”

Simon laughed, outright, because that was fucking ridiculous. Simon put his hands on Raphael’s shoulders and dug his thumbs into the dip behind his collarbones, “Have you seen yourself? I know exactly what I want.”

Raphael’s lip pulled up in a mock snarl, as if that was the wrong subject to discuss right now, “No, you don’t, you have no idea.”

Simon pushed in closer, again, apologizing and willing Raphael to open up to him all in one move, “Then _tell_ me. Stop being weird.”

Raphael’s grip tightened, “I’m not… interested in sex.”

Simon was waiting for the bad news to come with a raised eyebrow. When he realized there was nothing else, Simon moved his right hand up to Raphael’s neck to scrape his thumb over his jaw, “You think that’s gonna scare me off?” he smirked.

Raphael was looking up at him like he’d heard this before and it had always been a lie. Simon felt rage and jealousy pump through his veins for a split second as he thought of those that might’ve mistreated the man in front of him, but now wasn’t the time for that.

“I can’t say anything someone else likely hasn’t before, but - and this will sound like the stupidest, cheesiest thing ever - I think the universe gave me you for a reason. And you got me for a reason, too.”

Raphael shot a sad smile up at him, “You’re right, that was pretty stupid.”

Simon smiled back because Raphael’s face was so beautiful like this.

But then Raphael spoke again, “You’ll get frustrated and sick of me, like everyone else. And I’m pretty tired of going through that, whether you’re my soulmate or not.”

Simon leaned back a little, noticing how Raphael held onto him anyway, “I’m not going to keep trying to convince you, but I’d like it if you’d trust me. Besides, I know myself, and I know I’ll be just fine.”

Raphael looked up at him with mixed hope, whispering a small ‘okay’, and Simon felt the urge to kiss him again. He brought that up.

“So, as much as I’d love to just stand here with you ‘til we turn to dust, I think you should tell me some basic ground rules, or what makes you uncomfortable and all that cool stuff.”

Raphael’s hands skimmed under the hem of Simon’s shirt, “Kissing is fine, just needed you to know where I stood before-“

Simon cut him off with his lips because he’d been dying to since he’d walked in here, and for much longer if he was honest with himself. Raphael smiled against him. Simon’s fingers raked into Raphael’s hair, musing it up and pulling him in close.

Simon pulled away after a second and waved his hand, “Okay, sorry, continue.”

Raphael huffed like he was put off, but his smile said otherwise, “Touching is fine, obviously-“ he said, looking down at where Simon was pressed up against him, between his thighs, and Raphael’s hand was on his abdomen, “and I’m not saying I’ll never ever do anything with you, I’m just saying I don’t generally feel that attraction. But I’m also not saying I’ll fuck you just because you’re turned on.”

For that being the first time Simon had heard Raphael say fuck, especially in regards to them, he was extremely proud of himself for not literally choking.

Simon pressed on though, making sure to stay focused, “Alright, yeah, sounds good, anything else?”

Raphael moved his hands to Simon’s hips again, digging his thumbs in, “Don’t think so, that should be all.”

Simon nodded and rested his forehead against Raphael’s, “Sounds good to me.”

Raphael pulled him back in by his shirt, and Simon followed the tug easily. He didn’t end up going to see Clary later that night, but she accepted his excuse graciously.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this fic is basically floating in space for how well I stuck to the canon, but I'm going to ignore that; I'm sorry if that is frustrating for you and not at all what you wanted. Also, I'm not sure how much I like this wrap up, might change and edit things later; I just needed to get this thing finished. Anyway, thank you guys for sticking around, sorry this took so long!


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